


"I feel like we would have hated each other in high school."

by mywashingtonromance



Category: Fall Out Boy, Halsey (Musician), Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, also gerard is a major character, and tyler is gay and confused, but josh dun is a cooler punk kid, in which tyler is trying to be a cool basketball jock, josh is full of sin, oh also this is a high school au, there will probably be smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-01
Updated: 2016-01-03
Packaged: 2018-05-10 22:35:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 16,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5603443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mywashingtonromance/pseuds/mywashingtonromance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tyler Joseph is just trying to fit in. He plays basketball and hangs out with his basketball friends every day except Sundays. He gets good grades, he volunteers, everyone likes him. That doesn't stop him from being miserable. </p><p>Josh Dun doesn't care what anyone thinks, except for his mom, of course. He's best friends with some of the most renowned partiers in all of Columbus. He's more into finding nice boys to corrupt than partying, though.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. one

Tyler's life is a blur of basketball games, prayers, volunteer work, and trying not to cry. For the most part, he does well. Not just with trying not to cry- with life. He fits in. He wears basketball shorts, even when it's twenty degrees outside, because as his coach told him, "it's always a good time for basketball". He does his part in making sure his team does well. He helps his mom with housework and plays piano at his dad's church. He gets good grades. Teachers love him. 

He's missing something though. Well, a few things. And happiness is the most important. His girlfriend Jenna is beautiful. His friends call her hot. He should be happy. He's not. Everyone thinks his life is perfect. He should be happy. It's not and he's not. This is maybe why he hates happy people so much. Especially the punk kids. They do whatever they want, they get in trouble. Their lives should be messes. So why aren't they?

Tyler tells himself that this isn't why he doesn't like punk kids. He tells himself he doesn't like them because they break rules and because they sin and because they're loud and obnoxious.

Really, he probably hates them because they aren't afraid to be themselves and Tyler is. 

-

School is undeniably boring. Even for a kid like Tyler who doesn't hate it. Chemistry and pre-calc and American history all kind of suck, and Tyler is starting to realize that lunch isn't much better. He still doesn't complain though. He sits at the basketball table and eats his peanut butter sandwich and listens to some freshman named Cody drone on about how he and Tyler should work out together. Cody is basically Tyler's mini-me; or at least he likes to think so. The kid had traded his blond bowl cut to a shorter length to mimic Tyler's. He paired up with him at drills and constantly asked his advice. Tyler thought it was endearing, but he had to admit it did get a little annoying, especially when the kid started asking Tyler about girls. That was when Tyler praised the bell for ringing and went to language arts. 

Language arts would have been a good class, except Brendon Urie was in it. Brendon had always been a trouble maker. In elementary school he had been one of those kids who shoved glue down other people's shirts and cut off their hair during nap time. He had evolved since then. He always shouted offensive things in class and threw things and hit on teachers. Even the kid who sat next to him voluntarily, a pudgy kid with messy black hair, rolled his eyes at some of what Brendon said. 

Creative writing, his last class of the day, though, was his safe haven. Ms. Degeneres, who insisted on being called Ellen, was funny, kind, and never made them share their work, so Tyler felt comfortable writing about more than what people expected- which was basketball. Until that fateful day when Ellen decided a partner project was a good idea.

"I'll be assigning you partners. You have to make a video. It can be a story reading, a song, a movie- anything as long as it's your work and it's creative."

Tyler dutifully wrote this down on a piece of paper, even though he could feel the dread building in his stomach. He hated partner projects. Especially in this class. He'd have to share his feelings, and that was terrifying. Maybe he'd get someone who was okay with writing about basketball. 

"Tyler Joseph and Joshua Dun."

Tyler's body froze. 

"Just Josh, Ellen," Tyler heard the boy say good-naturedly. He reminded her every period, Tyler recalled. 

Josh was the only punk kid in the class. He had a curly blue mohawk and usually got in trouble for wearing snapbacks in school. He was quieter than other punk kids- he didn't shout obscenities or set things on fire. He just watched while kids like Brendon did that stuff. He wasn't the worst person in the world, but he was probably the worst person for Tyler to get paired with.

He'd zoned out. The next thing he knew he felt eyes piercing into him and looked up. Josh was standing in front of his desk. "Um, hi," Tyler said, his voice cracking unfortunately. 

"Hi," Josh said. He didn't look any more thrilled than Tyler did at the pairing. "Listen class is almost over or, whatever, but my kik is joshuadun, no spaces. We can talk about it later, meet at someone's house or something."

Tyler nodded. "Um, okay. My kik is tyler_joseph. The underscore is important." Josh snorted at that. "Um, in case I forgot yours or something, that's- that's mine." And then the bell rang.

-

"What do you know about Tyler Joseph?"

"Who?" Brendon asked incredulously. 

Pete looked up, "doesn't he play basketball?"

Josh sat down on one of the rickety band room chairs to stare at his friends. He nodded at Pete.

"Good little Christian boy. Not surprised you're after him," Gerard muttered, looking at Josh with a wicked grin. 

Josh scowled. "I'm not. We're doing a project together, I just need to know if he's stupid. Besides, he's straight, isn't he? Dating that Jenna girl who pretends like she's perfect but comes to all of Brendon's parties?"

"The straight thing has never stopped you before," Pete said, at the same time Patrick says, "he's smart. All A's."

"There's no way in hell he's straight," Gerard announced, and Josh raised his eyebrows. He was suddenly slightly more interested in the conversation. "The kid plays piano at my mom's church. Helps his dad lead sermons. No one that fuckin' god fearing does it for the hell of being a good person. He has a guilt complex bigger than Brendon's fucking ego."

Josh grinned. 

"Who gives a shit?" Brendon asked, rolling his eyes. "Joshie should just fuck me."

Josh flipped him off and left the band room. He had to get home. And message Tyler Joseph.

Josh was nearly to his car when he heard footsteps behind him. "Dun, can I have a ride?"

Josh knew that the question was only a question for formality reasons. It was actually just 'Dun, you're giving me a ride'. Josh was fine with it, since Gerard lived right next to him.

They were halfway home before Gerard asked the question Josh knew he was going to. "So are you gonna try to fuck Joseph, or what?"

"Maybe. He's cute," Josh told him absentmindedly. 

"Be careful. He doesn't seem like the type who will accept he's gay just because you grab his dick."

"Whatever."

"Don't break the kid's fucking heart, Dun, is all I'm saying."

"Whatever," Josh repeated, getting out of the car and starting towards his house while Gerard walked across the lawn to his. "I'm fucking serious, Dun!" he shouted.

Josh smirked as he yelled, "whatever", one more time before unlocking the door and walking into his house.

The second Josh was in his room and blasting Green Day, he messaged Tyler.

_Spooky Jim: Hey this is Josh_

Tyler responded more quickly than Josh anticipated.

_TyJo: hi joshua._

_Spooky Jim: Just Josh please_

_TyJo: oh, right. i'm sorry._

_Spooky Jim: That's ok TyJo_

_Spooky Jim: Anyways, my friend Gerard told me you play piano?_

_TyJo: at church, yes._

_Spooky Jim: Cool_

_Spooky Jim: I play drums_

_Spooky Jim: Maybe we could do a song for the video_

_TyJo: that's a good idea. you can come over tomorrow if you want_

_TyJo: i mean_

_TyJo: to work on the project_

_TyJo: around noon? i'll get the address_

_Spooky Jim: You live by the church. I'll get there._

_TyJo: okay. see you tomorrow, joshua._

_Spooky Jim: Just Josh_

Josh opened his window, crumpled up a piece of paper, and thew it at Gerard's window. Within seconds, Gerard's window was open and he was shouted, "if you fuck with that kid, Dun, I'll-"

Josh closed the window. 

-

Tyler was nervous. So nervous he couldn't sleep and he missed almost every shot in practice the next morning. "Saturday isn't my game day," he told his teammates. He declined their offer of getting iHop. It was only an hour until Joshua Dun would be at his house.

Tyler didn't know why he was nervous. He reassured himself that it was because he'd never shared what he wrote with anyone, and he wasn't looking forward to sharing it with a punk kid who would probably get drunk and make fun of it at one of Brendon Urie's parties. Tyler started crying, so he got in the shower. 

He could feel the doubt in the back of his mind. Joshua was an attractive guy, he thought. He was well muscled and had pretty eyes and his dyed hair suited him well. Tyler quirted shampoo in his eye on purpose so he could think about something other than Josh.

He could feel Blurry whispering how much of a sin it was to think about Josh that way.

Tyler didn't feel clean when he got out of the shower. 

-

Finding Tyler's house was easier than Josh had expected. It was on the street over from the church. Not only were there crosses everywhere on the lawn, but there were two pickets with basketball numbers on them. Josh assumed he had the place. He was fifteen minutes early, but decided it was creepy to just sit in the driveway, so he got out and knocked on the door. A blond woman, Tyler's mom presumably, opened the door. 

"You must be Joshua," she said, gesturing for him to step in.

"Just Josh, ma'am," Josh said, smiling sweetly. If he was going to get into Tyler's pants, he needed the kid's parents to like him. He thought the blue hair might have been difficult, so he wore a button up and Vans instead of an X-Files shirt and high tops. 

Josh followed Mrs. Joseph into the kitchen, looking around. He saw a pre-teen girl, but no Tyler.

"Tyler is in his room," Mrs. Joseph echoed his thoughts. "It's upstairs, you'll see which one. Take these up there," she said, shoving a plate of cookies-gingersnaps?- into Josh's hands. "He's too skinny."

Josh snorted, said thank you, and found his way upstairs. There were four doors in a row, all decorated respectively with basketballs or cars with each kid's name. Tyler's was at the end of the hallway. His door was simple. It just had a name and a cross. 

The door was slightly ajar, so Josh pushed the door open. Tyler, who was sitting on his bed, immediately stood up. "Oh, um, hi Joshua."

"Just Josh," he reminded the other boy, setting the cookies down on a desk. Tyler looked nice. Josh hadn't seen him in much but basketball shorts and sweatshirts, ever. The occasional tie on game days. He was wearing a floral button up and skinny jeans. 

Who the hell was he trying to impress?

"So, for the song," Josh said, clearing his throat, "I was thinking- Gerard told me you could sing." That was a little lie. Josh assumed Tyler could sing. "That you do at church. I have an awful voice so," Josh cut himself off and smiled, sitting next to Tyler on the bed. 

Tyler's face got red. "I, uh, I don't sing that often, but I guess, I could try," he admitted. "I, I um, I write a lot- just poetry and things, we could use one of those."

This surprised Josh. What jock wrote poetry? 

Tyler gestured to a notebook on his desk, so Josh went to go skim through it. The notebook was worn out- purple and fading to white, the pages soft with age, and use. Tyler dated all of his poems. All of Tyler's poems were incredible. He'd have to tell Gerard about this kid. 

"These are really good," Josh murmured absentmindedly. "How about this one?" he asked, keeping the notebook on one page as he went back to the bed. Tyler turned to look at Josh at the same time Josh turned to look at Tyler. Their noses were practically touching. 

 _I should just kiss him,_ Josh thought.

 _This is wrong,_ Tyler and Blurry thought. 

Tyler looked down. "Yeah, we can do this one. I have some chords for it actually," he managed to squeak out. "It's kind of- kind of more of a rap."

Josh laughed. "Sick! TyJo is the flow master. Alright, just, play it and I'll record it and then work out some drum stuff."

After Tyler had played the song, and Josh had complimented him, and Tyler had stuttered, and they both ate some cookies, Tyler walked Josh downstairs to leave. Just as the front door was being opened, the teens heard, from Mrs. Joseph, "Tyler, come in here!" 

Josh saw Tyler pale. 

"With Josh."

Tyler relaxed. The two boys entered the kitchen to see Mrs. Joseph buttering a raw chicken. 

"Joshua-"

"Just Josh, Mrs. Joseph."

"I'd like you to stay for dinner. Tyler only ever has basketball friends over here, and I'm tired of it."

Josh froze. He was supposed to hang out with Brendon tonight. But then again, he hated hanging out with Brendon half of the time. He and Pete and Halsey always just got wasted. The only person that would miss him would be Gerard. 

"Sure, thank you for the offer Mrs. Joseph," Josh said, smiling sweetly. 

Score.

Once Tyler and Josh were downstairs and Tyler was setting up a game of Mario Kart, Josh texted Gerard.

_Spooky Jim: I won't be at Brendon's tonight_

_gerard way: why the fuck not_

_Spooky Jim: I'm having dinner at Tyler Joseph's house. Maybe I'll come late._

_gerard way: what the fuck_

_gerard way: i told you not to fuck with him dun_

_Spooky Jim: I'm not. Yet ;)_

_gerard way: i am going to fucking strangle you._

_Spooky Jim: Whatever!!!_

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok blurryface is always portrayed as really malicious, but he represents insecurity so i'm going to write him more like that.


	2. two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which josh is charming and gerard is pissed, but then less pissed.
> 
> depression and kind of mentioned suicide.
> 
> this is short but i'll probably have another chapter out tonight.

Mrs. Joseph only had five other people to feed, but she cooked like she had twenty. Not that Josh was complaining, or anything- her cooking was amazing. She'd piled chicken and mashed potatoes and green beans onto Josh's plate and handed it to Josh without even consulting him. Josh hated green beans. His mom only ever had time to heat them out of a can. 

"These green beans are amazing."

A sentence Josh never thought he would say. The meal was worth the cringe-worthy prayer beforehand. Josh didn't really have a problem with christianity- he had been raised christian. He wasn't violently against it like Gerard. Josh just didn't really subscribe anymore. 

Mrs. Joseph insisted on Josh taking home leftovers. And her green bean recipe. And some cookies. Tyler walked Josh out to his car. Josh could feel how nervous Tyler was- the kid was practically shaking in his boots, and Josh wondered how a kid who could look so confident playing basketball or answering a difficult calculus question or leading a sermon could look so nervous just walking next to Josh. 

"I'll try to get at least a basic drum beat by Monday," Josh told Tyler as he hovered next to his car door. 

"Okay," Tyler replied, staring at his shoes. He looked like he wanted to say something else, so Josh hesitated in opening the door. "Thanks for uh- thanks for coming, and everything, it was uh, cool," Tyler stuttered. "And the way you were so nice to my mom was really cute-"

Josh could see Tyler freeze, tense up. "I mean," he added hastily, "she likes you, she probably thinks you're cute or whatever, dude." Tyler paused before saying, "night Joshua," and scurrying back into his house. 

It was half past eight when Josh made it to Brendon's house, and the second he walked into the basement, Gerard's face went bright red. "You fucking man whore!" 

Gerard yelled at Josh a lot. It was his way of showing he cared. He was used to it. He didn't expect Gerard to slam him against the wall. "That kid is probably crying himself to sleep because he thinks it's a fucking sin for him to like dudes, and your dick is just looking for a new home!"

Josh could hear Brendon and Pete drunkenly laughing. 

"I didn't even flirt with him," Josh muttered. "He's cute, alright? And really smart. The kid writes poems- they're awesome and," Josh thought what he was saying was stupid. "he's cool, alright? I'm not trying to fuck him."

This was enough for Gerard to let go of him and mumble, "sorry, Dun." 

The apology surprised him. Josh swallowed hard. "It's cool, man. Where's Halsey?"

Brendon and Pete shouted something about being a kiss ass, and Patrick sighed and looked at Josh with a 'I hate this' expression. "She's on a date."

Patrick and Josh hadn't known each other for very long. Patrick and Pete were best friends, so when Patrick transferred to their school district, Pete had been delighted and dragged Patrick to every party and every hangout. Josh got the feeling Patrick didn't really like being there, but he was incredibly invested in Pete. Josh was pretty sure Patrick had a major thing for Pete. Pete seemed oblivious as hell.

"I want to get out of here," Gerard said after three hours of watching Brendon and Pete get wasted out of their minds. Josh had to agree. He didn't drink, at least not often. He didn't like feeling out of control. Gerard had some history. Josh wasn't sure why Patrick didn't drink, but it probably had something to do with having to look after Pete. 

After another fifteen minutes Gerard started getting antsy and Josh left and drove them both home. Before getting out of the car, Josh looked over at Gerard- he was going to make some stupid comment or something, but the idea left his mind when he saw his friend. He'd been unusually silent on the ride over, and now he was practically zoned out. Gerard looked sad, actually, and it almost broke Josh's heart. 

"Are you okay?" 

Gerard just shrugged.

"Hey, how about you come chill with me tonight?" Josh offered. "I just got these weird comics from a thrift store and I don't really get them, maybe you could look at them."

Gerard still looked sad as hell when agreeing to the offer, but at least Josh knew he wouldn't be alone. 

He didn't press Gerard on what was wrong. If he wanted to talk about it, Josh knew he would eventually. So Josh just tried to work out a drum beat for Tyler Joseph's song and watched Gerard carefully while he read comics. On one of Josh's water breaks, Gerard asked softly, "you like him, don't you?"

Josh shrugged. "He's cool."

"You know what I mean. You never would have defended someone you just wanted to have sex with."

Josh swallowed hard. Relationships weren't really his thing. Being tied down wasn't really his thing. But Tyler Joseph was cute. And smart. And talented. And Josh wanted to know more about him. "Yeah. I guess so."

"I think he'll be good for you."

Josh stared at him. Gerard had been his best friend for, well, his whole life. They'd lived next to each other, snuck out together, wreaked havoc together, stole porn magazines together. Sat through depression support groups together. Other than when he was in the hospital, Josh didn't think Gerard had ever been so quiet. So he went to sit next to Gerard on the bean bag chair. It was a bit too small for both of them to be on, but Gerard just leaned on Josh and sighed. 

"What's wrong, Gerard?"

"I don't know. It kinda just hit me," he murmured. "I'll be okay."

"You always say that when you aren't."

"Goddamnit Dun, I will be," Gerard said, then stood up. "I should go home."

Josh wanted to protest. Knew he should have. But Gerard made up some excuse about his mom that Josh didn't really believe, and he let him go. 

He felt like shit and didn't do anything but drum for a while. It was three thirty in the morning when he finally showered and went to lie on his bed. He'd texted Gerard eight times since he left. No response. His heart practically stopped when he saw his phone light up, but the notification wasn't from Gerard. 

_TyJo: doubt you're awake joshua, but i really have to thank you again for_

_TyJo: everything today, i guess_

Why the hell was Tyler awake? 

_Spooky Jim: I'm here. What are you thanking me for?_

_TyJo: i guess talking to someone who likes more than basketball is refreshing. why are you awake?_

_Spooky Jim: I was drumming. Almost finished with the beat, actually. Why are you? Don't you have church in the morning?_

_TyJo: couldn't sleep. are you a christian, josh?_

That was one of the first times Josh wouldn't have to correct him. What a shame Tyler wasted his name on that question.

_Spooky Jim: Not so much anymore. I believe in God or whatever, but I don't really subscribe to the church, I guess_

_TyJo: god condemns suicide, right?_

_TyJo: does he condemn suicidal thoughts?_

Josh swallowed. The kid was so nervous all the time. Josh didn't really expect him to open up about his depression, or something. Shit.

_Spooky Jim: Are you okay, Tyler?_

_TyJo: absolutely fine._

_TyJo: i was just wondering, you know. so many people turn to god in times of need. it would be awful if god turned them down just because they went through a rough patch._

Josh didn't know who the hell didn't ponder the deeper questions of life at three in the morning, so he believed Tyler was only wondering. 

_Spooky Jim: I guess as long as their faith pulls them out, it's okay. I'm gonna sleep. Night TyJo_

_TyJo: goodnight joshua._

Josh groaned and closed his eyes. 

-

Tyler hadn't had a night so bad in weeks. After Josh left, Blurry started in on him. 

_It's wrong that he makes you happy. It's a sin. We shouldn't feel like this. You have a girlfriend._

Tyler hated Blurry. He hated himself. Hated himself for blushing when Josh got close to him or when he complimented Tyler's poems or when Josh's foot accidentally nudged his at the dinner table. He hated himself at three in the morning for the way his heart soared when Josh texted him back. He hated himself for feeling empty when Josh went to sleep. 

Tears wracked Tyler's body. He couldn't be gay. He liked Jenna- his heart didn't race when he saw her, or anything, but she was nice and had the same values as him. His dad said that was what he needed. 

But Tyler had known Josh for two days and he had butterflies when he saw him, and looked at him when Josh wasn't paying attention, and Josh made Tyler giggle with his dumb jokes and kik username and Tyler knew he had to stop thinking. He had to start writing. He had to start hurting.

He was a wreck at church the next morning. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this kinda sucks???


	3. three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> josh is worried and tyler is worried about him

Gerard hadn't returned any of Josh's calls. He hadn't come to school on Monday. Or Tuesday. No one had answered the front door. Josh called Mikey, but Mikey was thirteen and was in Florida with his parents until Friday. Josh was a mess.

His mom had finally made it home on Sunday night. She had a bad commute and worked long hours, so she usually wasn't home on weekends. It was nice having her on Sunday, even though she was exhausted. Josh had hugged her for five minutes and made her the green beans Mrs. Joseph gave him the recipe for. He told her about Tyler. 

"Is he your boyfriend?" she asked, her eyes practically lighting up. Josh had grinned and said, "not yet, momma." 

He was worried as hell about Gerard, though. No one knew where he was. 

Tuesday night he got a message from Tyler. 

_TyJo: are you okay?_

_Spooky Jim: Sure, why?_

_TyJo: you seem sad_

_TyJo: and nervous and worried and like you haven't slept_

_Spooky Jim: I haven't_

_TyJo: what's wrong?_

Josh didn't know if he and Tyler were on the level of friendship where Josh could talk about his problems, yet, but Josh needed to talk, and Gerard was the only person he ever talked to. 

_Spooky Jim: Do you know Gerard Way?_

_TyJo: he's in my english class_

_Spooky Jim: He's my best friend_

_Spooky Jim: He was really upset Saturday night and no one has seen or talked to him since then_

_Spooky Jim: I guess I just really hope he didn't do anything stupid_

_TyJo: he seemed sad on Friday, too_

Josh hadn't noticed that.

_TyJo: he didn't pay attention to anything brendon said. he just seemed distracted._

_Spooky Jim: I dunno, I don't want to put up with Brendon's shit either_

_Spooky Jim: Do you want to come over and record the song tomorrow? I'll drive you after school, we can get Taco Bell or something_

_TyJo: sure_

-

That was how Tyler ended up making up a stupid excuse not to go to basketball practice on Wednesday and going to Taco Bell with Josh Dun, and then eating Taco Bell in Josh Dun's basement. Josh still seemed on edge. Tyler wished he could help.

Josh set up Tyler's keyboard and mic for him. Tyler tried to help but Josh insisted on doing it. Josh was really sweet. And muscular. Tyler was in awe. He also almost slapped himself for thinking about Josh's body- but it was hard not to. Tyler kept noticing things about Josh. The piercings that he had overlooked before, the defined biceps, how cute his smile was. Tyler was praying for an hour every night trying to stop thinking about Josh. 

"Alright so you can edit this video, right?" Josh asked, chewing his lower lip.

Tyler wished he'd stop that. "Yeah." They were using Tyler's camera to record. Tyler was nervous. He was also excited. It only took three tries to get the song done correctly. Josh was an amazing drummer. 

They ordered pizza after recording the video, and sat on Josh's couch watching X-Files and making dumb jokes. Josh was all sweaty from drumming. Tyler thought it was really hot. He slapped himself for that when Josh wasn't looking.

Tyler couldn't take it. 

He knew it was wrong. That thinking about another boy was wrong, or at least, he and Blurry thought it was. But Josh was nice and always asked how he was doing and Tyler thought that everything he did was incredible. 

Josh looked over at Tyler, to make a joke probably, but stopped when he saw Tyler looking at him. Looking at his lips, technically. Their noses were nearly touching again, and Tyler's heart was beating a hundred miles a second. Tyler hesitated to do anything. Josh didn't. He closed his eyes, and the gap, pressing his lips against Tyler's and bringing one hand to Tyler's cheek.

He was so steady. Tyler was so scared, and so nervous, and Josh was so steady, and calm. It felt okay because it was Josh. 

Josh pulled away, turned back to X-Files and grabbed another piece of pizza. "I've been wanting to do that since Friday, by the way," Josh said nonchalantly, not taking his eyes off of the screen. 

Tyler didn't know what to do, so he picked up more pizza, pulled his knees to his chest and focused his attention on X-Files. He was scared. Scared of admitting he was into Josh and scared of telling his parents and scared of what Blurry would say. But Josh's presence next to him was so comforting that he barely felt afraid. 

An episode of X-Files later Tyler heard footsteps coming down the stairs, and felt Josh freeze. 

Tyler looked at him. "Is it your parents?"

"They're at work," Josh murmured, standing up. 

And then a figure appeared at the bottom of the steps. He looked exhausted, sad, a little beat up, and had a new haircut. 

Josh practically launched himself at the boy. "Gerard," he yelled wrapping his arms around the taller teen. Tyler saw Gerard's arms go weakly around Josh. "Holy fuck I was so worried don't ever pull that shit on me again, oh my god, Gerard, what happened?"

Gerard finally pushed Josh away, shrugged, and said, "stuff happens." Gerard walked to the couch and sat down, next to Tyler. "Hey Joseph," Gerard said, looking over at him and arching an eyebrow, then looking at Josh and grinning. 

 _They're making fun of you,_ Blurry said. Tyler ignored him. 

"Hi Gerard." 

Tyler had never spoken to Gerard before. He was always around Brendon Urie, so Tyler never even considered it, even though he'd always wanted to compliment Gerard's writing- he was one of the few people who actually volunteered to read what they had written in language arts, and while it was always blasphemous and depressing, Gerard's writing was incredible. 

"This show fucking sucks," Gerard noted, looking at Josh expectantly. 

"Shut up Way, all you watch is like, Clockwork Orange and Batman."

Gerard grinned. "And it's better than this shit, Dun." He then looked over Tyler. "So should I go? I feel like I'm," he coughed, "interrupting."

Tyler could feel himself blushing. Did Gerard know something? This made him internally panic. Maybe Josh was just playing him and making fun of him to Gerard and Brendon and Pete Wentz behind his back. 

"Hey, kid," Gerard said, putting his hand on Tyler's shoulder, "it's okay."

He must've shown what he was thinking on his face. 

"Anyways, I should go home. I have cats and shit to feed, if they didn't die while I was gone," Gerard announced, standing up. Josh stared at him as he walked towards the steps. "Gerard, where were you?"

Gerard whispered something in Josh's ear as he passed him, and Josh's face looked a little grim. 

"Goodnight Dun!" Gerard called. 

"Be careful Gerard," Josh said, sighing. Josh seemed distracted after that, so Tyler had his mom pick him up. 

He didn't message Josh until midnight. 

_TyJo: i think i'm gay.._

_Spooky Jim: I got that from the kissing_

_TyJo: i'm scared._

_Spooky Jim: Of kissing?_

_TyJo: of being gay. telling my parents and everything._

_Spooky Jim: You don't have to tell them right away. It's hard, but coming out usually goes better than expected_

_TyJo: when did you?_

_Spooky Jim: Two years ago_

_TyJo: wow._

_Spooky Jim: They_ _didn't care. My family has more important things to worry about_

_Spooky Jim: You have to break up with your girlfriend, though_

Tyler knew that was true. He also knew Jenna was still awake. 

_TyJo: jenna?_

_jBlack: Hi Tyler_

_TyJo: we need to talk._

_jBlack: Are You Breaking Up With Me?_

_TyJo: i'm sorry._

_jBlack: Why?_

_TyJo: honestly...? you won't tell anyone, right?_

_jBlack: Of Course Not._

_TyJo: i'm gay._

Those words hurt to type. 

_jBlack: Thank God_

_TyJo: what?_

_jBlack: I Thought You Cheated On Me Or Something. We Can Still Be Friends, Right?_

_TyJo: i'd love nothing more._

Tyler didn't go to school the next day. He told his mom Jenna had dumped him and he wasn't feeling very well. She had taken the first half of the day off to make him soup and make sure he was okay. He'd never meant four words more sincerely than when he said, "I love you momma" when she left. 

The next day in language arts they switched seats. Tyler walked into the room and the desks were arranged in pairs. They were starting a unit on partner writing. Tyler hoped one of the basketball or football guys wouldn't sit next to him. Then he would get stuck doing all of the work. 

Thankfully, a jock didn't sit next to him. A surprise did. 

"What's up, Joseph?" Tyler heard after the distinct pop of bubblegum as Gerard sat down next to him. 

Gerard kind of made Tyler nervous, in all honestly. He was loud, smart, talented, and could probably kill someone just by looking at them. Tyler also kind of got the vibe that Gerard was even more miserable than Tyler was himself. After he'd gotten home, Tyler started thinking about the differences he'd seen in Gerard throughout the couple of months in school- his stories and poems got sadder, he got skinnier, his tolerance for Brendon's comments had gone down. Tyler wished he could see more into Gerard. Even if he made him nervous, Tyler sort of wanted to be friends with the kid.

He still had to ask, "why aren't you sitting with Brendon?"

Gerard snorted. "I only put up with his bullshit because he's a goddamn nut job and if no one looked after him he'd probably kill someone," he replied, looking up to the front of the class where Brendon had plopped down next to one of Tyler's teammates. "I'll bet fifteen bucks that guy complains to you about him at practice," Gerard told Tyler, looking over at him. 

Tyler couldn't help but chuckle. "Sure, I'll bet on that."

Near the end of class, Gerard snapped his fingers and pulled out one of his earbuds. "Hey, a couple of people are hanging out at my house tonight-it's next to Dun's- and I think you should come."

Tyler liked the idea, but the thought of Gerard's friends made him nervous. He knew they were partiers. His nervousness clearly showed. 

"It's just gonna be me and Dun and Patrick Stump. Brendon and Pete are doing something fucking stupid that the rest of us elected not to do," Gerard explained. "Come whenever practice is over. Seriously, it'll be good for you. And for Dun."

That left a smile that didn't leave his face. His grin only widened when Josh locked eyes with him from across the room and winked. 

Tyler was actually, well, sort of happy. Happier than he'd been in a while. 

He really hoped God didn't think that was a sin. 

Also, Gerard was a genius. Joe walked up to him after practice and said, "Brendon Urie is so annoying. I'm pretty sure he was high. And hitting on me. Try to get the emo kid with you to switch. I can't deal with that shit, even if he throws kick ass parties." Tyler said he'd ask Gerard. He really had no intention of doing so. 

Tyler had rechecked the Way house about ten times to make sure it was the right one, but eventually he left his mom's car (he didn't have his own yet), locked the very stylish soccer mom van, and went to ring the doorbell. 

A tall, lanky, blonde kid opened the door. Tyler immediately felt scrutinized by his gaze. 

"Don't you play basketball or something?" the kid said, squinting.

"Um- I, uh- yeah," Tyler said nervously, shifting. Maybe he had the wrong house. 

"Mikey, let him in the fucking house!" Tyler heard Gerard yelling. 

The kid rolled his eyes and let him in. Tyler saw Gerard there, looking pissed. 

"Sorry about my brother. He can be a little shit," he said, deadpanning and looking at the kid-Mikey- with a simultaneously bored and angry expression. 

Tyler followed Gerard up the stairs and into his room, where Josh and a ginger guy were already sitting. Gerard's room was surprisingly and immaculately neat. Band posters were hung all over the deep blue walls, stacks of comic books, a desk that was bare except for sketchbook, a CD player, and a rack of CDs. It was almost cozy. Tyler went to sit next to Josh. 

Josh shot him a smile and said, "this is Patrick, by the way."

Patrick gave Tyler a little wave and Tyler returned it. 

"Anyways, opinions on bringing back sideburns?" Patrick asked to no one in particular. Josh winced. Gerard groaned as he put a Ramones CD into the player. 

"Sideburns are fucking disgusting."

Josh nodded. "Pete Wentz will never be into you then."

Patrick made a noise of frustration. "Do. Not." 

Tyler felt like this guy needed a rescue. "I think sideburns are okay," he mumbled, and he saw a look of joy dawn on Patrick's face.

"I told you!"

"The kid wears shorts in the middle of fucking winter," Gerard said, snorting. "You're gonna take fashion advice from him?"

"That's a fair point," Tyler said, giggling. 

When Patrick and Gerard were arguing about sideburns, Tyler felt Josh lean in, hot breath on his ear. "Your laugh is super cute," he whispered. "Also, we should make out in Gerard's bathroom. 

Tyler really fucking hoped God would forgive him for what he did ten minutes later. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was written quickly and i'll write better chapters tomorrow
> 
> stay alive, guys


	4. four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> makeouts and life advice

The second Tyler walked into the bathroom, his back was against the door and Josh's lips were on his. Tyler heard himself groan embarrassingly loud when Josh pushed their bodies together and tangled one hand in Tyler's hair. 

Josh mumbled things between kisses. Sometimes they were cute, like, "your giggle is adorable." But sometimes they were hot, like "you're fucking mine, Tyler." The latter usually came with a hickey that Tyler knew he'd have a hell of a time hiding. 

After ten minutes, they were both messy haired, turned on, and knew they had to go back to Gerard's room. 

"Did you guys just fuck in my bathroom?" Gerard asked when they walked in, his mouth wide open. 

Josh smirked. "Wouldn't you like to know, Way?"

Gerard looked infuriated. "Yeah, I  would, because it's my fucking bathroom!"

Josh laughed and slung an arm around Gerard. "Just made out."

Gerard hissed something that rhymed with "lan more" and sat down at his desk. 

Tyler couldn't help but grin as he and Josh sat back down, their knees overlapping, Josh's hand resting on his. 

Tyler felt wrong for some reason. It was nagging. After Josh left it got worse. He almost cried while Patrick drove him home. 

The second he was in his room, Tyler was a mess. The tears came before he could even think about why he was crying. His world was spinning. He shouldn't have made out with Josh. He should've never kissed him. It was wrong. Tyler kneeled down and prayed through his tears for an hour. 

He he tried texting Josh, but he was probably asleep. He couldn't talk to anyone from basketball. 

So he took a wild guess at Gerard's username. 

_TyJo: gerard?_

_gerard way: that would me be_

_TyJo: are you busy?_

_gerard way: not particularly. what do you need_

_TyJo: do you think being gay is wrong?_

_gerard way: there's no reason to, other than religion, and religion is bullshit. the bible says we can't wear fucking cotton blends_

_gerard way: apologies, i know you're an avid fan of jesus_

_TyJo: i feel like what i did with josh was wrong_

_gerard way: you've been raised with the complex to believe it was. it wasn't._

_TyJo: how many guys has josh been with?_

Gerard spent a long time typing on that one. 

_gerard way: he's slept with a fair number, i won't lie to you. but he actually likes you, which i can honestly say has never happened to him. he actually likes talking to you. he thinks you're a really sweet and talented kid. and i know i'm biased, but he's great. you'd be missing out if you didn't date him._

Tyler chewed his lip thoughtfully, ignoring the itching on his face where the tears dried. 

_TyJo: are you okay gerard?_

_gerard way: what? i'm fine_

_TyJo: you always seem really sad- like, your poems are really good but they always sound really hopeless and josh seemed really freaked about you being gone and i guess i was just wondering._

_gerard way: i've had some bad patches. it happens. it'll be alright._

_gerard way: don't you have a game tomorrow?_

_TyJo: unfortunately_

_gerard way: we can get coffee before the game_

_TyJo: you're coming to the game?_

_gerard way: i don't have fuck else to do. besides, maybe they'll kick me out. that always happened to me at middle school games_

Tyler remembered a chubby emo kid who always swore loudly at games in eighth grade. 

_TyJo: you were that guy?_

_gerard way: yes. go to sleep. pick me up at eight oh one sharp._

_gerard way: exactly._

Tyler smiled softly. He was already more comfortable with Gerard than he was with any of his basketball friends. Where has this been his whole life? 

He sent one last text, to Josh, before he went to sleep. 

_TyJo: be my boyfriend?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok this is short but i wanted to know if i should have gerard and tyler get to know each other more or focus entirely on josh and tyler bc i like the character development but idk


	5. five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> josh is anxious and gerard is loud, plus tyler's mom is cute
> 
> (aka, i'm running out of clever things to summarize chapters with)
> 
> warning for talk of suicide
> 
> also, this is short but the next chapter has a lot going on so i just cut this one off here

_Spooky Jim: I'm sorry, Gerard_

_gerard way: what_

_gerard way: why_

Josh had messaged Gerard as soon as he got home. He couldn't bear to be in the same room as Gerard without feeling guilty as hell, even if it meant making out with Tyler. 

_Spooky Jim: You tried to_

_Spooky Jim: Yanno_

_gerard way: i tried to kill myself, i know_

_gerard way: i was there_

_gerard way: it wasn't your fault, dun_

Josh was choking up and trying not to cry. The last time Gerard had tried he had been in the hospital for two weeks. Josh had visited him every day. He'd even tried praying. This time, Josh hadn't even known. 

_Spooky Jim: I let you leave_

_gerard way: it wasn't your fault josh, i promise. i would have just done it the next day or something. i promise. it wasn't your fault. i'm sorry for scaring you._

_Spooky Jim: You should have talked to me_

_gerard way: i know_

Josh was crying. He still felt guilty. Still felt like it was his fault. He fell asleep with his face streaked with tears. 

When he woke up he saw a kik notification. 

_TyJo: be my boyfriend?_

Josh turned off his phone. 

He wanted to be with Tyler. But he didn't want to hurt him, and Josh always had a way of saying something mean, or seeming like he was only in relationships for sex- because usually, he was. But Tyler wasn't really like that for him. Josh needed time to think. And he sure as hell wasn't going to start dating someone over a fucking text message. Seriously, Tyler?

-

It was 8:02 when Tyler pulled into Gerard's driveway, and it was only seconds later that Gerard was in the passengers seat. "You're late," Gerard said, glaring at him. This kind of comment would usually make Tyler nervous, but he swallowed it down because he was starting to realize that that was just how Gerard acted. 

"I like the hair," Tyler commented as he pulled out of the driveway, glancing at Josh's house briefly. Gerard was wearing incredibly tight, all black clothing and was sporting a red dye job. 

Gerard grinned. "It pissed my dad off, so I did it. Shaved half of Mikey's head, too," he told the other boy, leaning against the window. "I like the mom van. Very 2008. Very soccer. I thought you were a basketball family."

Tyler couldn't help but laugh. "It's not my car, alright?"

"I got that."

The rest of the ride was spent with Gerard flipping through the CDs in Tyler's car and no doubt criticizing them; but he didn't say anything out loud, which Tyler was grateful for. The coffee shop they pulled into was small, cozy looking, and Tyler had never been there. 

"Of course you haven't," Gerard said when Tyler informed him of that fact. "No reason for a jock to come here. They do shows, bands and slam poets and stuff like that. At night, I mean. Plus, my friend works here and I have to ask her something."

Tyler heard someone yell, "Way!" when they walked in, and he saw a pretty girl with a teal pixie cut grinning at them from behind the cash register.

"Halsey," Gerard greeted, stopping at the counter and resting his elbows on the marble. 

"The usual, I assume?" she asked, and Gerard nodded. The girl then looked expectantly at Tyler. "Tyler Joseph, what would you like?"

"How do you know who I-"

"You play basketball," Halsey reminded him. 

Tyler always forgot that part. "Oh, right. Um, I'll have, uh, do you just have hot chocolate?"

The girl hid her laugh behind a pale hand and said, "absolutely. Those will be out in a minute."

Gerard put a bill down on the counter, and normally Tyler would protest, but Gerard seemed like the type who won most arguments, so Tyler just let him pay. 

"So," Gerard drawled, "how's Debby?"

"Hot," the girl said while pouring coffee over ice. She took one look at Gerard's scowl and said, "and she's really sweet. Thanks for getting me her number."

"That's more like it," Gerard mumbled, taking the black iced coffee that Halsey handed to him. 

"And can I keep this change?" Halsey asked with a laugh as Tyler took his hot chocolate from the counter. 

"You're robbing me," Gerard muttered. He still walked away without his change, though. 

"So," the now redhead said as soon as they sat down. "Tell me about yourself, Joseph."

Tyler blew on his hot chocolate. "Uh, like what?"

"You know, your hopes and dreams or whatever. Are we to that level of friendship?" Gerard asked, squinting. "Okay, how about your family? Do you all play basketball?"

Tyler took a sip of hot chocolate and winced at the burn. Gerard didn't try to hide his smirk. "Uh, no. My brother Zack does, but my other brother and my sister don't. My brother Jay plays drums. And my sister, Madison, she's a dancer. What about you?"

"I just have Mikey," Gerard said, taking a pause to drink some of the bitter coffee. "He can be a dipshit sometimes, but he's really a sweet kid, usually. Are you really into that whole thing? You know, the basketball?"

Tyler was slightly taken aback by the question- no one had ever really asked him. "I don't hate it. It's pretty fun, I guess I'd just probably rather be doing other things."

Gerard's eyes lit up a bit with curiosity. "Like what?"

"Music, I guess," Tyler said, looking down and taking a swig of hot chocolate so he wouldn't have to see Gerard's reaction. 

"Oh, right! Josh told me you're really good. That's wicked." Tyler felt himself blush at the mention of Josh. "Me and Mikey fuck around with music a lot but we don't really have a band. Yet." 

 They talked about music for a while before Tyler went home briefly to change and then they drove to the game. 

Cody came up to him in the locker room and started babbling. Like usual. "I really hope coach doesn't bench me this game I really want to play I've been working on my shots and I really think I could get a few but I have some trouble with passing and maybe I should just lift more but I already lift every day and it's not working."

All of his teammates either gave him a smirk or a sympathetic look as Cody trailed him. 

The game went by in a blur. He knew they were doing well. He knew Cody was benched. He knew he'd occasionally hear Gerard shout things, and he knew the refs got angry, but he didn't get kicked out until there were only five minutes left in the game and he yelled, "Tyler Joseph is my fucking boy and he is tearing this shit up!"

Tyler found him sitting outside talking to the moms who ran the snack bar. He looked smug as all hell. 

"Good job," Tyler said to him on the car ride to Gerard's house. 

"It was my pleasure," he'd said when he got out of the car.

It was noon by the time Tyler got home and Josh still hadn't replied. 

"You left early this morning," his dad commented while Tyler was helping his mom make sandwiches for lunch. 

"My friend wanted to get coffee before the game," Tyler told him, smiling slightly. 

"A basketball friend?" his dad asked, looking up from the paper. 

"No," Tyler told him. He didn't really see any reason to lie. "He came to the game, though."

"I'm glad you're making new friends. Was it that Joshua boy?" his mom asked. 

Tyler smiled- he was glad his mom at least liked Josh. "No, but they're friends. His name is Gerard."

"Well, these new boys that you're friends with seem sweet. And less loud than basketball players."

Tyler snorted. Gerard was pretty damn loud, after all. 

"Invite them over for dinner tonight, would you?"

Tyler was kind of worried. 

His mom had met Josh. She'd loved Josh. But he'd never seen Gerard be anything but abrasive. And his dad was home. His dad wasn't as judgmental as some preachers. He didn't hate tattoos as long as they weren't visible. Piercings didn't bother him as long as they weren't everywhere. But Tyler was nervous nonetheless. 

Gerard and Josh had promised him they would dress nicely. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hit me up with some ideas, what would you guys like to see?
> 
> also thank you for all of the comments ahhh!!!


	6. six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gerard is a suck up and so is josh
> 
> this is short .......... i'm sorry

"So you just ignored the guy's fucking text?" Gerard asked him incredulously on the drive to Tyler's house. 

Josh shifted uncomfortably, his hands white with the grip of the steering wheel. "I never read it. He probably thinks I was busy. I'll ask him tonight."

Gerard scowled. "With me around? That's not any more romantic than a text."

"I'll signal you."

With that, they pulled into the driveway and left Josh's car. They'd both dressed nicely, as promised. Probably nicer than Tyler was expecting, with Josh in a sky blue shirt and navy tie that both complimented his hair incredibly well, and Gerard in a gray shirt and black tie. 

"Let's dress to impress," Josh had said, giving Gerard a lazy smirk. 

Josh was carrying containers (the ones Tyler's mom had given him for leftovers) filled with pizzelles. The two looked like real charmers when they rang the doorbell, complete with smiles and carefully styled hair, as opposed to their usual messy appearances. 

Mrs. Joseph was delighted when she opened the door. "Oh, Joshua, you didn't have to do that!" she said in response to the containers and the cookies.

"Just Josh," he said, grinning as he stepped into the home, Gerard close behind him. "My momma loves to make them, and we made some together on her day off yesterday."

This was a lie. Josh and his mom did love cooking together, but his mom hadn't been home in two days and he and Gerard had made them two hours ago. 

-

Tyler was more than surprised when he saw Josh and Gerard following his mom into the kitchen. He'd told them to look nice. He hadn't, to say the least, expected them to wear suits. Tyler felt slightly embarrassed that he was wearing sweatpants. They both seemed so polite, too. Gerard wasn't even screaming. Wow. 

He saw his dad side eye the two of them before getting up to shake their hands, and Tyler paused his carrot chopping to look at Josh. And then at Gerard. Next to Josh, Gerard looked incredibly small. He'd lost weight, maybe in the past week, and even though he was taller than Josh, Josh was all muscle and Gerard was just bones. Gerard looked a little sullen, too, but it was probably just because he wasn't swearing. 

"Gerard way?" Mr. Joseph echoed the boy's introduction. "Way. Where do I know that name from?"

Gerard shrugged and said, "my mom goes to church nearly every day, sir."

Tyler's dad nodded approvingly and sat down. Gerard and Josh exchanged smirks. 

Tyler's mom took the knife from him and told him to wash up and go "play with his friends". He'd groaned at that one. His mom still thought he was a little kid half of the time and it showed. Gerard made fun of him on the way down the stairs for it. 

And then he did on the way back up the stairs when Zack had all but punched Tyler for interrupting his Halo marathon. 

"Is your brother like, in college?" Gerard asked, lounging on Tyler's bed. "He's huge. And has a beard."

"He's a freshman. In high school."

Tyler laughed softly at Gerard's stunned expression. 

Tyler was happier than he'd been in a year. Before his life was boring- a dull gray. The occasional orange of a basketball. Gerard and especially Josh had brought in new colors. Reds and blues and every color that had been snatched away from Tyler. 

He was happy. 

Dinner was nice. Josh ate about ten pounds of food and Gerard only ate vegetables. He told Tyler's mom that he was a vegetarian and Josh had given him a weird look and then shrugged it off. Josh and Gerard just about charmed the pants off of his mother. Zack asked Josh for lifting tips and Gerard told Madison how to curl her hair without burning it and talked to Jay about which comic books were the best. Tyler's dad had given him a pat on the back when his friends offered to help with the dishes. 

Eventually they were together in the basement, fighting over the remote. For Tyler, the fight was just an excuse to partway hold hands with Josh. After Josh had won the remote and turned on Lost, he settled into the couch, and Tyler couldn't stop staring at him. He was perfect. His sharp jawline, his dark eyes, his stubble. Everything about him was incredible. Josh looked over and smiled, then leaned forward to look at Gerard, who arched a dark eyebrow. 

"Hey, Gee, can you take up the popcorn bowl?" Josh asked. Gerard understood he was to do that and also offer to wash it and maybe offer to clean the windows while he was at it. 

Tyler would have protested, but he was leaning slightly against Josh and he was comfortable, so he thanked Gerard for taking it up.

Once the door was closed, Josh turned down the TV and looked over at Tyler, taking a deep breath. Tyler felt his heart hitch. Blurry started talking. 

_You're not good enough for him. He's just messing with you. He's going to tell you he doesn't like you._

"I want you to be my boyfriend." 

Tyler's breath hitched. "Ohmygod," he said, his voice cracking. Josh looked at him expectantly. "I mean, yes, a million times yes, I, uh, yeah."

Josh grinned. "Awesome."

And then before Tyler knew it his wrists were pinned against the couch and Josh was on top of him and his lips were on Tyler's.

He'd never felt anything that made him feel like fire before. He'd made out with Jenna a few times, but he hadn't felt anything. But this was incredible. The way Josh's tongue slipped past his lips and raked along the back of his teeth, making Tyler shudder. Tyler's teeth caught on Josh's lip ring and Josh groaned, a guttural 'do that again' groan, so Tyler bit down on Josh's lip and he actually fucking moaned. Tyler knew he must have been super embarrassed looking, but Josh must not have noticed because he just slipped his hands under Tyler's sweatshirt. The cool of Josh's hands on Tyler's heated skin made him freaking groan Josh's name. 

Man, Tyler would be up all night praying at this point. 

-

"Thank you so much for helping Gerard!"

Gerard just smiled sweetly and said, "no problem Mrs. Joseph. Thank you again for dinner." 

He headed back downstairs, knowing Dun was up to no good when he heard the TV was quieter and- was Tyler fucking moaning?

"I'm gone for fifteen fucking minutes and you guys are practically boning each other?" Gerard yelled when he reached the bottom of the stairs. Josh lifted his head up and smirked. Gerard flipped him off. 

At least Tyler had the manners to look embarrassed. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im super glad people like this yikes


	7. a question

**hey so this isn't a chapter (i'm sorry!!)**

iwill be at dinner tonight so unfortunately i won't have another chapter for a few hours, so a question for everyone reading:

 

**what at do you like and what would you like to see next?**


	8. seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a (very) short chapter about basketball games and love
> 
> by the way, this chapter is early december and i know that isn't the end of basketball season but...... :/

It was the biggest game of the season. The last game of the season, actually. The one that defined them as a team. If they won, they came out as winners. The principals would throw a school wide pizza party. They'd be kings. 

If their rival school won, on the other hand, they'd feel like every day was a walk of shame. 

Tyler was nervous. And excited. He had a lot of expectations on him. As the best junior on the team, his coach expected a lot of him. Tyler's extended family had come in to see this game. Gerard promised not to get kicked out. 

Gerard had come to all of his games. It was really sweet. And he always got kicked out in the last five minutes. He thought of increasingly rude things to say. Tyler couldn't help but giggle every time. 

Tyler was so anxious that he sent a text to Josh five minutes before the game. He hadn't asked Josh to come. He didn't want to mess up in front of him. 

_TyJo: josh?_

_Spooky Jim: Yeah love?_

Tyler loved petnames. 

_TyJo: i'm scared._

_Spooky Jim: You'll do great baby_

_Spooky Jim: Make sure you look over at Gerard when you have the chance :)_

Tyler almost froze as he was herded out onto the court. He snuck a side glance over to where Gerard was always sitting, and sure enough, there he was, lounging on the bleachers. And Josh was sitting right next to him. They were both wearing shirts with Tyler's face on them. "Oh my god," Tyler whispered as he sat on the bench.  

Josh gave him a big grin and a little wave while Gerard put both of his thumbs up. Tyler managed to weakly smile back at them before he heard the whistle. It was game time. 

Games always went by with Tyler experiencing them in fragments- he was always running, so he only focused on the important parts. The parts that made feel. Like the fact his coach thought he was good enough to keep him in the whole time. That his teammates thought he was the go to guy to pass the ball to. That Tyler only missed one shot in the whole game. 

That Tyler made the very last shot, the winning shot, of the game. 

He actually thought he couldn't be happier, until he looked over at Gerard and Josh, who were screaming louder than anyone else in the whole gym. Tyler saw Josh mouth something to him, but he was surrounded by the team and was bad at reading lips. He'd ask him after. 

Later, Tyler was sitting on the hood of Josh's car outside of the school, hands shoved in his pockets, while Josh and Gerard stood in front of him. 

The other juniors from the team passed by and, unfortunately, saw Tyler. Joe, the guy who (involuntarily) sat with Brendon in English, told the group to stop and stepped out to ask Tyler, "you want to come to Steak and Shake, Joseph?"

Tyler stared at them for a moment, before shakily saying, "um, uh, no, that's uh, that's okay."

Apparently the stutter threw Joe off, because he took a glance at Josh and Gerard, frowned, and asked, in an almost threatening tone, "these fags bothering you?"

Tyler stiffened, and so did Josh. Tyler wasn't sure if the question freaked him out because of the slur or because of Gerard, who was already a bright enough red in the face to match his hair. 

"No, I-"

Tyler was cut off by Gerard shouting, "what the fuck did you just fucking call us, douchebag?"

Gerard looked like he was about to launch himself, so Josh quickly wrapped his arms around the smaller boy. Gerard's feet were off of the ground and lightly kicking, and he was struggling to get out of Josh's grip. It almost would have been comical if Gerard hadn't still been screaming. 

"I'm fine, guys, really," Tyler said firmly, and Joe shrugged and the group resumed walking. 

Josh made Gerard go sit in the backseat like a child after that. 

Josh grabbed Tyler's wrist before he could open the door. "Tyler," he said softly. "You're, uh, really good at basketball."

Tyler blushed and looked down at his shoes. 

"And also," Josh said, taking a deep breath. "I love you."

This kind of shocked Tyler- he and Josh had only been dating two and a half weeks. They talked every night. Tyler tested out poems on Josh. Tyler felt the same way. He just hadn't really expected Josh to. 

"I love you too," Tyler whispered, smiling as he looked back up at Josh. He'd never seen Josh grin so widely before. 

The blue haired boy then kissed Tyler's cheek and opened his door. 

"Are you guys done confessing your fucking love to each other, or what?" Gerard asked, his arms crossed. 

Josh grinned. "I forgot you were good at lip reading. Work on your damn anger issues."

"Fuck off Dun."

The teens drove in silence for a few minutes, until they turned onto Tyler's street. 

Tyler tapped his foot nervously a few times before clearing his throat and speaking. 

"I'm going to tell my parents tonight."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for all of the suggestions- I will take them all into account!!
> 
> the next chapter will be heavy, so this one is kind of to leave you feeling lighter. 
> 
> (those who asked for smut- if you're patient, you'll be rewarded)
> 
> (((so soon)))


	9. eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> very sad and lots of characters opening up about their feelings
> 
> also, major major major warning for suicide and rape mention

Tyler had been anxious since he'd gotten home. He'd shaken all the way since his extended family ate dinner and complimented him and had nearly dropped a plate when he was clearing the table. When Jay and Madison had gone to bed and Zack was in the basement playing Halo, Tyler had shakily said, "mom, dad, I have to um, I have to talk to you."

The three of them sat down at the card table, and Tyler's mom asked, "are you okay? You're pale as a sheet honey."

"I'm fine," Tyler told her, his voice cracking. He was sweating profusely. The room was spinning. "It's just, I have to tell you something." He swallowed a few times, his mouth opening like he was going to say something, a slightly strangled noise escaping his throat. He finally managed to stutter it out. 

"I'm gay."

Silence. 

For a minute, he couldn't even look at his parents. And when he did, he wished he hadn't. His mom looked slightly confused. A little concerned. Most of all, she looked majorly sympathetic. And afraid to say something. His father looked disappointed, and Tyler felt tears start to well up behind his eyes. He stared straight ahead. He wasn't going to cry. 

"What about the church?"

He swallowed at his father's question. "I still-"

"Get out."

Tyler looked over at him, startled. "What?" 

"Get out of my house. Your mother can drive you somewhere. Anywhere but here. You have five minutes to pack." With that, his father got up and went to the liquor cabinet. 

Tyler bolted up the stairs like a rabbit being chased. He didn't let himself start crying, not yet. Barely let himself breathe for fear of crying. 

He grabbed his school backpack and shoved some clothes and his notebook into a duffel bag. His breathing was hitching. He raced back downstairs and straight into the garage. When he was in the car, he stared straight forward again. He wasn't going to cry. He gave his mom the address softly and didn't speak the rest of the car ride. He couldn't without breaking down. 

His mom hesitated once they were in the driveway. Tyler felt her staring at him. Felt her wanting to say something. Felt the first tears slip from his eyes. 

"I love you, Tyler. No matter what. I'll talk to him," she murmured. 

"I love you too, mom," he choked out before leaving the car. The moment his feet his the pavement, he was sobbing. He tried to keep it together the best he could while stumbling up to the front door, but after knocking, he was an absolute wreck. He couldn't even look up when he heard the door open. 

"Tyler? What- come in here."

He felt himself being pulled into the warmth of the house, the door closing behind him, and arms being wrapped around him. 

"What happened, Joseph?" Gerard asked, sounding worried as all hell. 

Tyler just buried his head into Gerard's shoulder and cried harder. They must have been standing in the entryway for fifteen minutes before Tyler calmed down enough to pull away from Gerard's grip and take a few deep, sharp breaths. "I'm sorry," Tyler whispered, his voice crackling an embarrassing amount. 

"It's okay, come on," Gerard said softly, gently guiding Tyler up the stairs and into his room. "I'll be right back."

Gerard reappeared a minute later with a damp washcloth and a glass of ice water. The boy sat next to Tyler and handed him the glass, which Tyler gladly took and gulped down, shuddering from the chill. Gerard wiped the already drying tears from Tyler's pale face, intently watching the other teen in case he started crying again. 

"What happened?"

Tyler paused, swallowed hard, and said, "he kicked me out."

"Yeah, I got that," Gerard said, then decided to rephrase, "I'm sorry, Tyler. Did he say anything else? What about your mom?"

"She just seemed scared of my dad," Tyler told him, holding back more tears. "I guess he thinks I don't believe in God now or something like that. He asked about the church."

Tyler took a deep breath to steady himself.

"I guess I probably shouldn't care if he doesn't accept me. It's my life. But- this is my dad. He's never been anything but incredible. He paid for my piano lessons. Taught me how to dribble. Let me lead prayer circles. He's honestly," he paused, sighing, "probably one of my best friends."

Gerard nodded, chewing on the nail of his thumb. "Acceptance," he started, "is a big theme in the Bible. I know it's awful right now. But either he'll get over it, or he won't. But I'm betting he will. He'll go read the Bible and pray for a few nights and realize his closeness with you is more important than who you like to make out with. And, in the mean time you can stay here as long as you need to."

"Thank you, Gerard," Tyler whispered, pulling his knees up to his chest. Gerard ruffled his hair, stood up, and said, "I'm gonna go shower. I'll be back."

Tyler finally checked his phone after that. He had a few messages. 

_Spooky Jim: Tyler?_

_Spooky Jim: Tyyyyy_

_Spooky Jim: TyJo :(_

Tyler took another deep breath and finally replied. 

_TyJo: hi_

_Spooky Jim: Tyler!!_

_Spooky Jim: How did it go?_

_TyJo: bad_

_Spooky Jim: Oh god, I'm sorry_

_TyJo: he kicked me out_

_Spooky Jim: Holy shit_

_Spooky Jim: Where are you?_

_Spooky Jim: I can come pick you up_

_TyJo: i'm at gerard's_

_Spooky Jim: I'm gonna come over_

_TyJo: no_

_TyJo: i mean_

_TyJo: i don't know if i can handle it right now_

_Spooky Jim: I understand. We can talk tomorrow. Goodnight love._

_TyJo: i love you josh_

_Spooky Jim: I love you more, Tyler_

When Gerard came back into his room thirty minutes later, he found Tyler praying at the foot of his bed. Gerard thought better of bothering him, and just lied on his bed until Tyler looked up twenty minutes later and went to lie next to him. 

"Why don't you believe in God?" Tyler asked quietly, and Gerard just sighed. 

"I never really did. God was kind of like Santa or the Easter Bunny or something. A fairy tale, just for adults."

Gerard didn't miss Tyler's wince. He pressed on. 

"I used to go church with my mom. I thought maybe if I did I'd get good person points and my dad would stop being mean or I'd stop wanting to die or something. Both of those problems got worse. I just thought religion was bullshit. I always wanted to believe, I guess," he explained, his voice getting softer the more he spoke. Tyler felt him tense up. 

"I- three years ago I tried to kill myself. I wasn't in the hospital for more than a day, but they transferred me to a psych ward for two weeks. And Joseph, if I ever had any belief in a God, it was gone after everything I saw in that place. It was fucking miserable. My roommate was a seven year old. His dad fucking raped him. Tried to cut his fucking eyes out so he wouldn't have to see it anymore." Gerard's voice was shaking. Tyler was pretty sure he was crying. "I just can't justify a God that lets that kind of shit happen."

Tyler let that sink in for about five minutes before he said, "I guess I never really thought about it like that. My faith has just always been really important to me. It's helped me through a lot of rough spots." 

"What about when you found out you were gay?"

Tyler sighed, thinking about the question for a few moments. "I guess- I always sort of knew, at the back of my mind that I didn't like girls. I just never let myself think about liking boys, either. When I realized it was pretty bad. When I even started considering it. I prayed for four hours straight the night after Josh came to my house for the first time. I just wanted an answer. But Josh makes me happy. And I still believe and I still pray and I still go to church and I still am a good person, I think. I don't think that any true God would condemn me for it."

Gerard nodded, a thoughtful expression on his face. "You're good for Dun, you know."

Tyler glanced over at him with a questioning look.

"He's lonely a lot," Gerard explained. "His siblings live with his grandparents because their parents are rarely ever home. His dad is always on business trips and his mom works every day. He's usually alone in that house. I try to help, but I know he needed someone more than just me. And he's less reckless now. Plus, he likes you a lot. A whole lot."

Tyler heard the door open.

"Get the fuck out of my room Mikey!"

Tyler could almost hear the eye roll in Mikey's response. "You have a phone call."

"From who?"

"Your shrink."

Gerard scowled. "Tell him to fuck off."

Mikey sighed and closed the door. 

"My psych is a fucking idiot. He told me I'd be happy if I had a girlfriend. Who the fuck says that? Like my fucking depression is because of my lack of sex or something?"

Tyler listened to Gerard rant for a bit. "Are you gay?" 

Tyler had been wondering this for a while. 

Gerard shrugged and said, "no. I'm not straight, either. Or any of the in betweens. I'm really just not a fan of relationships."

This answer fit Gerard perfectly. 

"I hate half of these posters," Gerard murmured absentmindedly, some time later. 

"Why keep them up?"

Gerard grinned and hopped up, the bed bouncing under his feet. He ripped down a Superman poster and Tyler could see several suspiciously fist sized holes in the wall. 

Tyler arched an eyebrow at him.

"I guess Dun meant it when he said I needed to work on anger management," Gerard told him sheepishly.

Tyler laughed softly.

He already felt a little better. He let himself believe Gerard in saying that his dad would come around.

At least, Tyler hoped he would.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry everyone
> 
> opinions on a flashback chapter? maybe gerard and josh? a little tyler being reinforced with christian values? meeting brendon urie? i'm down with everything


	10. nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gerard makes mean girls references and brendon is a douchey sweetheart
> 
> this is so short and I'm so sorry but........  
> ???/????

Tyler's hands were pinned against the wall. Josh's teeth were on his neck, undoubtedly leaving marks. Tyler had gone over to Josh's to talk. Admittedly, they had, but Tyler had said something cheeky and now his back was against the kitchen wall and he had hickeys all over. Josh bit down on Tyler's collarbone, hard, and he was in the middle of screaming Josh's name when they heard the door open. Tyler thought maybe Josh would, you know, pull away, but he just put a finger to Tyler's lips and latched back onto his neck. 

Tyler could see Gerard grabbing Josh's keys in the front hallway and heading into the kitchen. He seemed unfazed that he'd found Tyler up against a wall and just yelled, "get in losers, we're going shopping!" 

 Josh groaned and pulled away from Tyler to step towards Gerard. "You can't even drive," he said, arching an eyebrow. Gerard stared right back at him. 

"Yes I can!"

"Your mom has your license," Josh reminded him, stepping closer. Gerard looked like he was about to bolt, so Josh wrapped him into a headlock and took his keys back, then strode ahead. 

Gerard grumbled something and cracked his neck while Josh yelled, "c'mon! We're going to the mall."

Tyler took a deep breath and fell into pace with Gerard, who looked over at him, sighed, and said, "jesus, do you want my fucking scarf?" Tyler giggled as Gerard pulled the bandana from his neck and wrapped it around Tyler's. 

A little later, on the drive there, Josh asked, "wait- did you quote Mean Girls earlier?"

Gerard shifted uncomfortably in the backseat. "Mikey had the remote."

The mall was fun. Tyler had only ever been there with his family (miserable) and the basketball team (miserable times ten). But being with Josh and Gerard was an entirely different story. Josh pointed to things that made him think of Tyler, and Gerard complained about the inaccuracy of some comic shirts and Josh bought him crappy mall food, but it tasted a little better because Josh knew what he wanted and what his favorite soda was. 

As much as Tyler didn't like thinking of him as such, Gerard was basically their kid. He walked slightly in front of them, pointing at articles of clothing to make fun of, or snickering at Josh and Tyler holding hands. He sat in the food court when Josh had dragged Tyler into the bathroom to make out with him. 

Towards the end of the trip, Josh's hand abruptly dropped from Tyler's, and Tyler looked at Josh questioningly. This was his first mistake- looking at Josh instead of looking forward, where a group of the junior and senior basketball players were standing. A few were chuckling and Tyler snapped his head forward when he heard Joe ask, "you a fag or something, Joseph?"

Tyler's vocal chords shut. He wanted to say something. Wanted to yell. He couldn't.

"What the fuck if he is, douche?"

Tyler appreciated Gerard's sassiness, but in a fight with any of the athletes, Gerard would be dead in five seconds, so Tyler put a hand on Gerard's shoulder, his grip strong enough for Gerard to get his message. He saw Josh step forward.

"I think you should leave him alone, Joe."

Josh's voice wasn't threatening. It was almost friendly, good-natured. But Tyler knew that Josh was probably strong enough to beat two of the basketball players up at one time. Tyler also knew that none of the team would start a fight in the middle of a mall. Joe held Josh's gases for a few moments before shrugging and walking again. The rest of the boys followed him, shooting glares at the trio. One guy walked a little slower, a terrifyingly tall Asian kid named Kai who Tyler knew was only playing basketball because it looked good to have lots of activities on college applications. Kai held out a hand which Tyler shook, slightly confused, and said, "nice job on Friday. You're a really good player," and then jogged off. 

The whole encounter just boggled Tyler's mind. 

Monday at lunch, he had no idea where to sit. He knew his place at the basketball table had been terminated- some freshman was in his spot. Tyler must have been standing there really awkwardly, because he felt a hand on his shoulder and heard Patrick Stump say, "c'mon and sit with us."

So Tyler did, finding himself a spot between Josh and Gerard and pulling out the peanut butter sandwich Gerard had packed him. ("I don't really eat that much and all Mikey eats is fucking Lunchables, but I'm pretty sure we have peanut butter and I know we have bread, because, well, who the fuck doesn't?")

"Tyler fucking Joseph! You play basketball, don't you?" He heard someone say this very loudly, and immediately recognized the voice. 

"You only know that because I told you, Brendon," Pete Wentz said, rolling his eyes as Brendon stood up and leaned across Gerard to offer Tyler a hand to shake, which he took awkwardly. 

"Where are my manners? I'm Brendon Urie," the tall boy announced, moving from his standing position on the bench to lie down on the lunch table, kicking Halsey's tray onto the floor and putting his face in an uncomfortably close proximity to Tyler's. "Woah. He's cute. You're lucky, Dun," Brendon drawled, looking over at Josh and then theatrically whispering to Tyler, "you're lucky too. He's fucking great in bed."

"Get off of the table, Urie!" a teacher yelled. 

"I'm getting there!" he shouted, sitting up. 

Josh looked infuriated. "Shut up, Brendon."

Brendon smiled sweetly and hopped off of the table. "Whatever you say, Joshie." 

Later at lunch, Josh looked over at Tyler and Gerard. "I can't give you guys a ride home, by the way, I have to go pick up my dad from the airport." 

So at the end of the day, Tyler and Gerard had tried everyone they could think of. Halsey had to go straight to work, Patrick was staying after for tutoring, Pete was- well, Pete hadn't given any reason other than, "driving you guys home isn't a meme," but Gerard had promised Tyler he probably had a real reason. 

When the two were walking out of the school from the back, they saw a tall figure leaning against the wall, smoking, and Gerard shouted, "Urie!"

"You're like, two feet away from me," Brendon said, looking over at the two of them with arched eyebrows. "Why are you yelling?"

"We need a ride home," Gerard explained, crossing his arms. 

Brendon grinned wickedly and said, "it's gonna cost you, Way."

Gerard kicked a rock at the slim boy and said, "shut the fuck up and drive us home Brendon."

Brendon shrugged and dropped the cigarette, stamping it out with his foot and starting to walk away, beckoning for the two to follow him. 

Tyler has bad luck. He has always had bad luck. When he was little, he fell out of his treehouse. Fell off the stage while performing a Christmas play at church. Pet a stray dog and had to get three rabies shots because the dog bit him. These all happened in a span of two months. So it was no surprise that, of course, the person who walked out of the doors at that moment was Joe.

"Hey fags," Joe said nonchalantly, smirking. The three of them all turned around. 

"What the fuck did you just say?"

Tyler looked over. Gerard looked mad, but he wasn't red in the face, yelling mad. Brendon Urie, on the other hand, was, as he stalked up to Joe, looking pissed off beyond belief. 

"I said-"

"Why do you give a fuck who he sleeps with?" Brendon shouted straight into Joe's face. "It's not your fucking life, you piece of shit. Besides, Tyler is sure as fuck doing better than you are in life- he gets more action, and besides, he's way fucking better at basketball. Didn't he make the winning shot?"  Brendon's tone was almost mocking Joe, and Tyler almost took a step back from the sheer force of anger in Brendon's voice. It was too bad that Joe punched him in the face. 

Too bad for Joe, that is, because within seconds he was pinned against the brick walls of the school and Brendon was screaming again. "Listen you pathetic fuck, if you come near Tyler, or Gerard, or Josh, or  _anyone_ I like again, I will fucking destroy you, okay?"

Brendon then let go of him and resumed walking to his car. Tyler was amazed. No one said anything on the drive back, just let Brendon brood and and press the bandana Gerard had given him to his bleeding nose. 

"Thanks for the ride," Tyler said softly as they got out of the car. 

Gerard paused before closing the door and said, "yeah, and thanks for, you know, scaring the shit out of that guy, Brendon."

Brendon grinned. "Anything for you, Gee Way," he said, laughing and leaning across the seat to poke Gerard's nose and then close the door. 

Gerard looked down while they were walking to the door, and Tyler looked over at him. And then looked at him again. 

Was Gerard fucking _blushing_?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for all of the feedback
> 
> feel free to leave more i love comments
> 
> also, the next few chapters will have a dance, so some cute stuff, then a little more cute stuff, and then something really dramatic and probably a flashback at some point


	11. ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dance!!  
> josh and tyler are cute and gerard way is flustered- and is that a crush that he's developing? ...hm...hM

It had been a week since Tyler's dad had kicked him out, and he hadn't heard from any of his family. Zack hadn't even liked one of Tyler's Instagram pictures. They were lying low. This anniversary of sorts would have made Tyler upset, but the sadness in the pit of his stomach that day had been replaced with butterflies. That Friday was the Christmas dance, now coined as the "Hopping Holiday Dance", after a Jewish family had complained. The dance was now a week earlier than last year and would not sport only red and green decorations, but all colors. It wasn't a big dance, like homecoming or prom, so most people didn't go in groups- Tyler, Josh, and Gerard were going to meet the rest of their friends there.

Tyler was still nervous. Nervous of dancing with Josh (he'd never danced with a boy before!), and nervous of dancing with Josh in front of other people, and nervous of saying something dumb, and nervous of spilling punch on himself, which he had done at homecoming that very year. 

Gerard lent him a black tie and watched as he struggled to tie it, his eyebrows raised. "That's how you tie a shoe," Gerard drawled, his eyes lazily following Tyler's hands. "If you're six, that is."

Tyler glared at him and went to sit next to him on the bed, where Gerard was lounging and already in an all black suit. Tyler watched as his friend leaned over and tied the necktie with ease, giving him a triumphant smile when he sat back. "It's a piece of cake, Tyler."

Tyler was about to say something that he hoped would be semi-witty, but his speech was interrupted when the door opened, Mikey standing in the doorway with Josh behind him. "Gerard," Mikey said, staring at his brother, who stared right back. "I need to talk to you." Gerard sighed, but got up and shouldered past Josh, who was walking into the room. Mikey closed the door behind him and Tyler and Josh were alone. 

Tyler's breath caught when he caught sight of his boyfriend. Josh was wearing a blue suit that made his hair look even brighter than usual, and Tyler thought he looked perfect. He was so stunned he couldn't even speak. Josh, on the other hand, barely missed a beat. 

"You look amazing Ty," he said, leaning down to kiss Tyler softly. Eventually he pulled away, murmuring, "Darling, I love you."

"I love you more," Tyler told him softly before burying his head in Josh's chest while Josh ran his fingers through Tyler's dark hair, humming softly. Tyler heard shouting from the room over, but he couldn't make out any words other than the occasional "stupid" or "die". He couldn't tell if it was Gerard or Mikey yelling, but it was more controlled than Gerard's usual screaming. A minute later, Tyler heard the door open, and he and Josh both looked up to see Gerard standing there. He didn't look even slightly angry- more shaken and almost detached. 

"You good?" Josh asked, stepping back. Gerard nodded. "Let's go then."

-

Gerard was sort of a wallflower. At least, he probably looked like one to Brendon when the lanky boy sauntered over to where Gerard was leaning against the wall, watching the dance. Gerard and Brendon were the token dateless people in their group- Tyler and Josh had been clinging to each other, dancing, since they'd gotten into the gym, and Halsey had managed to convince Debby to date her for more than a week, and Patrick had somehow gathered up the guts to ask Pete to be his date. Gerard was almost positive Pete, as the painfully oblivious guy he was, thought the offer was totally platonic. Poor Patrick. 

"Want to help me spike the punch?" Brendon asked, looking over at Gerard and smirking. Gerard stared at him for a few moments before saying, "god, why the fuck not?"

-

Josh was a really good dancer. Tyler had been nervous, and it had clearly shown, but Josh had pulled him into the middle of the crowd anyways, insisting all would be okay. And, as it turned out, it was. A few freshmen and some of the basketball guys had given them weird looks, but no one had bothered them. And Josh was a really good dancer. 

His timing was perfect, and he held Tyler close enough that the taller boy could feel the heat radiating off of him, and had a gentle grip that made Tyler feel safe, like even if someone tried to mess with them it would be okay. And Josh whispered dance instructions in his ear so Tyler wouldn't be too nervous. 

"You're not bad at all, love," Josh said to him, a grin on his face, and Tyler couldn't help but return the smile. Josh made him feel like he was flying. Made him feel like there weren't a few hundred other sweaty teenagers around them, like they weren't in a high school gym. He made Tyler feel like it was just the two of them, dancing goofily together in a bedroom at three am to soft music, instead of the blaring music of a fifty year old DJ who was trying to be cool. God, Josh made him feel alive. 

Tyler told him so while they sat on the floor, drinking water. Tyler wanted punch, but Josh had shaken his head and said, "I saw Brendon over there earlier."

"You make me feel alive," Tyler told Josh, very matter of factly. "I love you, Josh. You make everything worth it," he said, swallowing hard. "The basketball guys calling me stuff, and my dad kicking me out and- everything. I love you so much."

Josh had stared at him, almost mesmerized, before saying, "I love you more than anything in the whole wide world." Josh leaned over and kissed him, just a peck on the lips, since there were chaperones (underpaid teachers) everywhere, but it still made Tyler feel warm.

-

"You want to dance, Way?" 

This question made Gerard's head snap up, fast, because he assumed someone had to have been messing with him. He relaxed when he saw the threat was just a very sweaty Brendon Urie. 

"I don't dance, Brendon," Gerard said, rolling his eyes. Brendon stepped towards Gerard just a little more- they were nowhere near touching, but the closeness still made red shoot up to Gerard's cheeks. 

Brendon rolled his eyes and said, "c'mon, Gee. I'd die if I didn't dance with  _someone._ "

"You've been dancing all night," Gerard retorted, looking down at Brendon's incredibly expensive looking shoes.

Brendon sighed and said, "please? One song."

Gerard was tempted to ask Brendon why the hell he was so adamant, but he just said, "I don't know how."

This was a big lie, because Gerard and Josh had once taking a ballroom dancing class together and Gerard had remembered every single thing about that class. 

"I will start screaming right now." 

Brendon's voice was incredibly serious, and his expression had gone from cheeky to solemn in a matter of seconds. Gerard knew he wasn't messing around, so he just sighed exasperatedly and nodded. How bad could one slow dance with Brendon Urie be?

As it turned out,  _very bad_ was the answer. Brendon tried to do a weird version of the tango. He even tried to dip Gerard. He grabbed his tie just in time, but Brendon almost dropped him. Gerard informed him of this. 

"You almost dropped me."

Brendon pulled him closer, uncomfortably close, in Gerard's opinion, and said lowly, "I'd never let you fall, Way."

Gerard knew he was bright red. 

He also knew he saw Josh smirking at him. 

_Jesus._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter will be sad ):
> 
> and someone requested gerard to be kept asexual, and that is definitely something i will continue with, but i may drop the aromantic gerard bc.... i think he and brendon would be cute but- we will see. any other opinions?


	12. eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter even made me sad
> 
> also this chapter is sort of mostly about gerard and josh so if you're just here for the joshler and not the story like then this isn't really necessary
> 
> major warning for suicide, self harm, and drugs

It was the second Sunday in a row that Tyler had missed church, and that had never happened before. One Sunday, sure. He'd been on a plane or a road trip or in Florida or had the flu. He'd missed a Sunday here and there. But never had he missed two Sundays in a row, and Tyler would be lying if he said he didn't feel guilty. Actually, it would be an understatement if he said he was just guilty. He was majorly guilty. He'd woken up at six am and prayed for four hours until Gerard woke up. 

"You guys are a real delight," Josh said when he came over. 

Tyler knew what was wrong with him- he was guilty and, honestly, didn't want to miss church. But Gerard, on the other hand, was a complete mystery to him. He'd seemed progressively more upset on Saturday, especially when he'd asked Mikey something and only gotten a cold glare in return. Tyler didn't know what he and Mikey had argued about on Friday night, but apparently it was serious enough for Mikey to ignore Gerard. 

Gerard seemed miserable. And exhausted. Tyler knew he slept worse than usual Friday night. And even worse the last. Gerard was usually a restless sleeper. Tyler would hear him tossing and turning every time he woke up, or muttering things under his breath. But it was worse that weekend, and Tyler had tried to ask about it and Gerard just waved him off. 

Tyler was glad Josh was there, though. He made him feel a little better. Tyler was leaning against Josh, talking to him softly about basketball positions when Gerard stood up abruptly and said, "I'm gonna shower," and then walked out of his room. 

This, admittedly, was weird and out of character. Gerard usually would make a snarky comment like, "don't bone each other while I'm gone," or "as long as it's not in my bed, I don't care". He didn't say anything like that. Just got up and left. 

It was weirder, and even more out of character, when Mikey came into the room, wide eyed and panicked looking, and shakily said, "Josh." Mikey always tried to act older than he was, maybe because he practically took care of Gerard, or maybe because he practically idolized Gerard. Either way, it was definitely uncharacteristic of him to seem nervous, so Josh immediately stood up and asked what he needed. 

"Gerard has been in the shower for an hour," Mikey said.

Gerard was always in the shower for a long time. Tyler didn't see why this was a problem. Apparently neither did Josh, because he just stared at Mikey.

"He locked the door," Mikey urged. Josh still didn't say anything. "Dammit Josh, he's upset, I can't break the door down."

Realization dawned on Josh's face and he bolted out of the door, and Tyler stood up and followed more slowly. By the time he got to the bathroom, Josh had almost broken down the door by repeatedly slamming into it. Mikey was standing nearby. His phone was in hand, thumb hovering over the device, like he was poised and ready to call someone. 

Josh finally got the door open and rushed in, his panicked voice yelling, "call the fucking number Mikey!"

Tyler saw why when he stepped into the bathroom, and it turned his blood cold. Josh was pulling a very clearly unconscious Gerard out of the bathtub. The redhead was still fully clothed- skinny jeans and leather jacket and everything. The water was tinted slightly red. There was an empty needle lying next to the bathtub. Tyler's ears started ringing. 

-

Josh hated hospitals. He had for three, almost four years. He was thirteen when he was first a visitor. Gerard's wounds hadn't been bad, not that time, but the experience scarred him in more ways than one. It scarred Josh too. 

A year later, Gerard tried again. Josh sat by his bedside day and night. Gerard had drank himself nearly to death. Josh blamed himself for not doing more when Gerard told him he was an alcoholic. 

When Gerard woke up that time, he apologized to Josh. 

"I promised you I wouldn't try again."

"You made it a year. I'm proud of you."

Gerard's next words had been sharp and bitter. 

"You shouldn't be proud of me for not offing myself. Living with depression isn't a fucking battle. It's not brave. I feel pathetic."

Last time, Josh hadn't even known. He still didn't know everything. 

This time, it was worse than the first three combined. Mikey sat in an uncomfortable waiting room chair, head buried in his hands, muttering rushed words through choked sobs. His crying became louder when the doctor told them that the cuts hadn't nearly killed him, the heroin in his system had. Tyler sat, staring straight ahead, dazed. Josh knew he should do something. Comfort him. Kiss him. Tell him it was okay. But Josh couldn't stop pacing. The tears were streaming quietly down his face. 

A nurse came out of the room after several hours and looked at the grim trio. "One of you can go in."

Josh looked around. Tyler was unresponsive. Mikey still wouldn't look up, and he was shaking his head violently. Josh took a shaky, deep breath and stepped into the room. 

It was so familiar. Everything looked exactly the same. It had the first two times, too. Josh was sure it had the third time, too. Gerard looked over at Josh when he walked in. Josh's breath was caught in his throat. He was choking back a sob. 

"I'm sorry, Josh," Gerard said hoarsely as Josh pulled up a chair next to the bed. "For not telling you. About the drugs."

Josh shook his head, unable to talk through the tears for a minute. He looked up eventually, vision blurry. "How long?"

"A few months," Gerard admitted. "Mikey found out on Friday. Wouldn't talk to me."

It dawned on Josh that was probably why Mikey seemed so guilty. 

"It's okay," Josh said, feeling stupid. 'It's okay' was probably the last thing someone who just tried to commit suicide wanted to hear. 

"No it's not."

Josh stared at him hopelessly. He felt like he was flailing in midair. He really didn't know what to say to make Gerard feel better. He rarely did. 

"It's not okay, because I lied to you, and I lied to Mikey, and I told you both I wouldn't try again, and-" Gerard's speech broke off. He was crying. Josh tried not to let that fact make him cry harder.

"I'm going to help you get out of this, Gerard. I promise. You're my best friend and I- god, Gerard, I love you. Please stop scaring me like this."

-

Josh had stayed for an hour or so before the nurses had chased him out. Mikey didn't come in. Tyler came in around three thirty in the morning when Gerard was half asleep, and talked to him for a bit before Tyler had run out of words and softly sang until Gerard fell asleep. Mikey didn't come in. The nurses woke him up an hour later to ask him about his therapist. Mikey didn't come in. 

Someone came in around seven am, and Gerard's hopes only got an inch up off the ground before he saw who it was. Same lanky figure as Mikey- nearly same haircut, just darker hair. 

"Hey, Gerard, I- uh, I brought you- I brought you these flowers. My mom, um, she gardens. She always calls these weeds, but I think they're cool. So, yeah, I brought you flowers."

Wow. Gerard had never heard Brendon Urie stutter. 

"I see that. Why are you awake?"

Brendon set the flowers (fresh picked little daisies, by the look of them) down on the little bedside table and sat on the chair next to Gerard's bed. "I couldn't sleep. I was worried. My mom wouldn't let me leave until the morning, though," he said, sheepishly. 

"You didn't have to come."

Brendon looked slightly taken aback. "I can leave, I mean, if you want, if you don't want me to be here."

"No, I want you to be here."

This answer surprised Gerard himself, if he was being honest. 

"I'm just surprised you're here, I guess."

Brendon smiled sort of nervously at him and rested his hand on Gerard's. 

"Brendon?"

"Yeah?" Brendon sounded sort of hopeful. It almost made Gerard smile.

"These flowers are weeds."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> |-/
> 
> also, i'm sorry


End file.
